Paint 2 strokes , up and down. Take a breath. Step back and observe the strokes. Reflect upon your life.
I have been painting my last room of childhood (from age 15 to 18), and the trim of several rooms of my family house for two weeks now. I know that it shouldn’t take this long. But the real work that is occurring here, is not the painting, but the final touches on the “inner-work” of the past two years.
In the last two years, I had to –
- Figure out a new meaning for my life, after
- dropping out of grad school due to a health crisis ( or rather to avert a mental health crisis)
- turning 50
- coming to terms that I would never have children
- Balance my imbalanced system that
- had gained 30 pounds in 3 years
- was anxious and nearly manic
- was fearful and tired of a life I didn’t know how to manage
- Grieve the losses
- of the dreams that I had dreamed that hadn’t come true in 50 years
- of my father – still alive but from whom I will be forever estranged due to his mental illness
- of my cousin Lewis, who was the older brother I never had, who died of a heart attack
- the many loves, that never were, and never will be
- Heal and Forgive
- my past self
- my confidence
- my sense of peace
- my love for myself
- my experience
- my relationships
- my life into something I love living
So if it takes 2 weeks to paint a room while processing what brings us to peace, or 2 years to heal a life … it is well worth it.
My accomplishment after 50 years of living?
I love my life more than I ever had … and I am ready for 50 more years, please : )