This summer has been a bit of a ride.
For nearly 2 months (July and August) I was spinning in and out of extremely high energy states, that veered close to chaos. But since I recognized that I was experiencing something quite extreme, I was able to steer entirely clear of any dangerously excessive behaviors. It also helps to have 51 years of life and wisdom gained to use as guidelines. It is thrilling and also scary when one’s brain is on a wild and expansive ride at full throttle. I didn’t know where I was heading, and I was hanging on with every bit of my consciousness. And I trusted that I had the tools to manage these energy states.
What kept me stable and upright were the following:
- My daily routines that incorporated Yoga and Meditation and extra physical activity if needed.
- Outlets for expression – 2 blogs and a number of friends with whom I spoke to at rat-a-tat speeds.
- Mental vigilance with a compassionate and accepting attitude – this meant, I was noticing that my mind was thinking, thinking, thinking and thinking some more; that I was sleeping between 4 and 6 hours of sleep at night; that my hunger decreased; that I was captivated by all my ideas; that my senses were acutely sensitive and that this could lead to agitation, paranoia, or other uncomfortable states of being.
- I discovered that a very effective way of calming my energies was to do a grounding activities like housework; or yard work.
- I found that what was most important was to keep the energy flowing, and to steer clear of thoughts that would lead me into a strange direction, where I could lose total grasp of reality.
This last statement sounds ominous, but it needn’t be.
We all have our “flights of fancy or fear.” For instance, you get to know anybody for any length of time, and you will encounter some of their weird belief systems or behaviors that interfere with their rational analysis of everyday reality as it presents itself. My mother, for instance, if she went to a restaurant, 10 years ago and had bad service, she will assume that she can expect bad service from that restaurant in the present.
Hunh? My mother is very scientifically minded, but when it comes to memories of bad experiences, she has the mental retention of an elephant. And the only way to “convince” her to have an open mind, at the very least, I have to sneak her into the experience before she develops any objections or reservations.
What triggers me into a High Energy State?
I have noticed that if I am engaged in any prolonged and intensive creative activity that it tends to speed up my mind. And if this occurs during the summer, then my mind is further stimulated. This stimulation can prime my mind to be even more productive and creative. And my body is also primed to be moving and on the go operating on a diminished diet of sleep and food. It is interesting that I am experiencing these states more often as I grow older, and that my depressive states are more of a memory than anything else.
Years ago, I associated depression to a state of concentrated and stagnant energy (mental/emotional/spiritual) and that once released, the body goes into hyper-mode. And it only makes sense to me that once I basically freed myself from chronic depression, that I would now have to deal with energy states that range from hypo-manic to manic. What was different this summer, as opposed to other summers – is that I had already set up systems of mind-body-spirit management earlier in the year, that allowed me to successfully navigate through my near-mania to my present calm-normal state.
My breakthrough epiphany for handling my depressive states was “allowing” rather than fighting my experience. If one accepts oneself and one’s experience with a self-loving attitude, one is not only able to gain wisdom but also nurture one’s self toward more sustainable balance. I have found that the most crucial factor involved in managing extreme energy states is that you endeavor to have both a clear heart and mind. This clarity is an ongoing process, like keeping a clean house or keeping a clean ANYTHING, and my personal clarity is not only a result of this regular maintenance, but also a product of decades of inner-work. I wouldn’t say it is necessary, that everyone take decades upon decades to wipe one’s mind and heart of debilitating mental and emotional habits, but this was my particular life’s journey. I had to pack in a lot of soul experience into one lifetime, it seems.
Back to the Present
It was just last week that I saw that things were definitely returning to a state of calm. This present state of hush … feels almost somnambulant in comparison. I do miss the creative high I felt. Writing now for me, doesn’t feel as pleasurable or as inspired. It isn’t so much a wild ride of expression, but thoughtful and deliberate. And a voice within says —- borrrrIng. Not nice : /
In the past couple of months where my moods and energy were heightened … even the simplest observations/events had a certain kind of intensity, and while this can be fascinating and exciting – too much of anything can be tedious, especially for me. So I have to remind myself, how much I longed for “tranquillo”, to return to a state of being that doesn’t demand such “high maintenance.” It almost feels as if I have returned to the comfort of “home” after a prolonged trip through my own mind.
Living Between Fact and Fantasy
As an exemplification of the extreme differences between my calm and manic self – that I experienced this summer, I am including a link to a private post I wrote.
Below is a link to a post that I originally wrote for Quora – on what do Genius’s want to do with their lives. The first section is sustainable “tranquillo” me, the other part reads more like what it is like to be in manic mode (light) – I say light because, all the time, I was aware of what I was doing … yet, at the same time I didn’t censor myself or my behavior as long as it was harmless. I did decide to delete the post on Quora because it wasn’t truly an adequate answer to the question and was more of a bit of experimental writing.